


It Kills Me How Your Mind Can Make You Feel So Worthless

by Ezras_Mused_Writings



Series: Logan you are loved I promise (somehow these all have become songfics, dunno how I ended up here-) [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Caring Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Caring Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Caring Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Caring Deceit | Janus Sanders, Caring Morality | Patton Sanders, Crying, Depressed Logic | Logan Sanders, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Self-Care, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27236866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ezras_Mused_Writings/pseuds/Ezras_Mused_Writings
Summary: -Takes after the events of `I'm Burnt Out, I Smell of Smoke` So I suggest reading that first, if you haven't-After not gaining favor from the others, who only noticed he was in pain after Remus and Janus told them. Logan thinks the world is better off without him, and takes himself out, not knowing how much the others actually loved him.-Inspired by: Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi-
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Logan you are loved I promise (somehow these all have become songfics, dunno how I ended up here-) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988464
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	It Kills Me How Your Mind Can Make You Feel So Worthless

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this, but the muse does what the muse wants and it just gave me a special delivery of angstttt.

A week later, in the commons of the mindscape there laid a note. Patton read it first, as he wakes up second earliest, earliest being Logan, of course. When Patton read it he immediately decided to summon the others. Roman rose up first, then Virgil, and Janus and Remus appeared at the same time. When they saw tears running down Patton's cheeks they knew something was up.  
  
"What's wrong, Padre?"  
  
_I fell by the wayside like everyone else  
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was just kidding myself  
Our every moment, I start to replace  
'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say  
  
_"Just, Janus, can you read this aloud please?" Patton said brokenly, handing a crisp indigo index card to Janus.  
  
When Janus saw the writing and recognized it as Logan's handwriting, he feared the worst, "Hello, you may be wondering why this note is here. Well, I decided to..." Janus' voice cracked at the next word, "I decided to erase myself from the picture, you all are probably figuring this out in the morning, by then I'm already gone. I'll miss you all, especially you Janus and Remus. Goodbye, Logan." Remus buried his face in Janus' chest.  
  
"No! He can't have- we just saw him yesterday, we made sure he ate and everything! Logan can't have! No, no, no!" Remus' words were muffled because he buried his face into Janus' chest. _We all did, we all were keeping an eye on him._  
  
_When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, time can heal but this won't  
  
_Janus and Remus were the two that entered Logan's room first, and they both paused. They both saw that Logan had hung himself. Remus immediately ran toward the body, "No, no, no! We loved you you idiot! You were going to get better mentally and we would've had so many stargazing dates!" Janus checked his pulse, just in case, running cold. Remus ran to Janus engulfing him in a hug. "He was supposed to get better, he told us that he wasn't going to harm himself anymore!"  
  
"I know Remus, I know." Janus solemnly said, patting Remus' back as he started to sob into Janus' shoulder. The others came in after that to see Logan for themselves.  
  
_So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
  
_The others took him off the noose he made himself, as they knew Janus and Remus probably wouldn't be able to handle it. Roman was the one to hold him, solemnly leading everyone to the imagination.  
  
_So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting?  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go  
  
_Roman was playing everything back in his head, as he knew Virgil and Patton were doing too. _Could the three have done better? Could they have let him speak more? Were they the reason he thought he should disappear?_ Roman was going through every single year in his brain, every wrong turn, every mistake. Roman knew that Patton and Virgil had let Janus and Remus be right behind him so he asked, "Did he ever tell you two what he would've wanted if he..." Roman choked a little on the word, "died?" Roman turned his head to see either of their answers, knowing they probably wouldn't say it aloud. The two nodded sadly.  
  
_Was never the right time, whenever you called  
Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all  
Our every moment, I start to replay  
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face  
  
When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, time can heal but this won't  
  
_Janus hated that they both knew the answer, hated that the answer would ever be a relevant topic, but that was one topic that was brought up on one of their stargazing dates. Janus felt sick as he said, "He wanted to be buried, on our stargazing hill. He said it was so `he could always see the stars that reminded him of us`" Janus looked to Remus silently asking him, _Can you lead?_ Remus nodded.  
  
"I'll lead you to it, Ro."  
  
_So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
  
_Soon the group was at the hill and Janus and Remus summoned shovels. Then they got to work, digging six feet down while Roman switched the hold over to Patton so he could work on summoning a gravestone and a coffin.  
  
_So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go  
  
_After the hole was dug, and after Roman summoned the gravestone and coffin, Patton put Logan in the coffin, which was then carefully lowered by Remus and Janus. Then they start to cover it.  
  
_Would we be better off by now  
If I'd have let my walls come down?  
Maybe, I guess we'll never know  
You know, you know  
  
_The hole was covered up and tears were shed, Janus and Remus finally had the guts to read the gravestone. _Here lies Logic, Logan Sanders, Loved by all, albeit, he didn't know._  
  
_Before you go,  
Was there something I could've said  
To make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said  
To make it all stop hurting?  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go  
  
_While the group walked away they only exchanged solemn glances and tears, nobody tried to hide their pain. Nobody judged each other for crying either, especially nobody judged Remus and Janus' huddled sobbing, them both carrying each other. _  
_

**Author's Note:**

> This hurt me physically to write, I apologize. I promise I don't normally write this stuff my muse just said "hey you know the song you got stuck in your head? how about we do a sequel to that other songfic with that song? here's the blurb, good bye!"


End file.
